


Let Yourself Love

by marvelandimagine



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Moving On
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 05:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6270595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelandimagine/pseuds/marvelandimagine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky x singlemom!reader. Reader is a SHIELD agent still scared to let herself fall in love again until Bucky notices her eyeing a stuffed bear at a carnival with the team and secretly wins it for her daughter. Both of them come to realize that happiness and love are worth taking chances on. Fluffy, emotional hurt/comfort, probably going to be a LOT of chapters over the course of months.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Yourself Love

As a single mom and S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, you rarely had time to go out just for fun; choosing to spend your downtime squeezing in a rare nap or more likely playing with your 4-year-old Ana. You loved Ana with everything you had and loved knowing that you were working to keep the world safe for her, in those rare moments of quiet contemplation, you had to face the fact that it was hard as hell raising her without her dad.

Ben was ecstatic when you were pregnant and was so excited to be a dad, but he only knew Ana for the first year of her life. He was a dedicated father, but also a dedicated Marine, killed by a Boko Haram officer during an ambush that led to the rescue of 50 captured school girls. It had been three years and while the pain had lessened in some ways, you didn’t know if you’d ever be able to love someone like how you loved Ben. So you poured your focus into your daughter and your work, trying to ignore the loneliness that grew with each day.

Your team members were nothing but supportive, almost to a fault. So that’s why at the insistence of everyone –except maybe Bucky, who didn’t speak that much to begin with – you were getting dragged to have some fun at a carnival with them while Wanda and Vision watched your daughter.

“It’ll be good for you, Y/N,” Tony wheedles, incessantly poking your sides until your poker face breaks and you laugh. “Get out there, fill your tummy with the best fried food known to man, maybe find a cute guy hanging in the beer tent, trade digits, go to dinner, fall madly in love, the usual love carnival shabang.”

“While fried food does sound amazing, I don’t think the whole romance at the carnival thing is in the cards, Tony. But yeah, I guess I could use some fun.”

While you do make a face at the team as they clap at your announcement, you really are appreciative that they’re looking out for you.

Just then, the sound of scurrying little feet echoes down the hallway and you smile, knowing what was coming.

Ana runs down the hall, almost falling as her socks slide on the hardwood but managing to catch herself. She looks quite proud of herself as she asks, “Mommy, can we play now? I took a nap!”

You scoop your daughter up into your arms with a playful roar, attacking her face with kisses as she shrieks and giggle with delight. “Yes you did, just like I asked! Good girl,” you say, nuzzling her nose with yours. “But Mommy’s going out with the team for a bit, OK, so Wanda and Vision are going to play with you!”

“That’s right princessa,” Wanda says excitedly, laughing as you let Ana down and she bolts toward her. “We’re going to have so much fun!”

“Ana will be safe under out watch, Y/N, I guarantee it,” Vision adds, his controlled, steady tone and smile reassuring you.

“Thanks, guys.” You grab your dark jacket from the couch and put them on, stepping near Wanda to give Ana a kiss goodbye.

“Be good for them ok?” you ask sternly, though you couldn’t suppress the smile at hearing Ana’s almost too mature, exasperated sigh that matched your own so well.

“I will. Love you, mommy.”

“Love you too, baby.” You turn toward the group, a crooked smile playing on your face.

“Let’s have some fun, then. Lead the way, fam!”

As the group breaks into excited chatter, only one other person besides you remains silent. Bucky trails a few feet behind you, painfully aware of how your smile doesn’t meet your eyes and how you think no one notices. And he’s determined to do something about it.

-

The carnival is loud, bright and way more expensive than you remember from when you were a kid. But that doesn’t stop you, Thor and Nat from eating your way around the booths, and you graciously accept the beer that Clint brings you.

“When’s the last time you had a drink, Y/N?” Clint asks with a laugh, watching you down half the cup in a matter of seconds.

You “ah” in satisfaction, wiping some foam off your lips with the back of your hand. “Too long, Barton. Single mom probs,” you add with a sad chuckle, continuing to drink as Clint looks on sympathetically.

He takes up conversation with Natasha and you pause to take in the scene around you. Everyone is matched up: Tony and Bruce, Clint and Nat, Sam and Steve, Thor and Pietro. And it seems like everyone else outside of your group is matched up as well – you can’t help but feel a dull ache every time a chattering couple walks by, a child or two clinging to their hands.

The loneliness burns in your chest and becomes even more pronounced as you walk by one of those milk can game booths, stopping in your tracks as you see a smiling Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal on display as a prize. Your mind jumps to Ana’s 6 month mark when you and Ben decided to go visit a carnival with her in the summer.

“C’mon, it’ll be THE bear. The one she keeps with her even when she’s a teenager too cool to admit that she still sleeps with a stuffed animal.”

You roll your eyes and bounce Ana on your arm with a smile, pointing at the bear. “Is Daddy gonna win you that bear, or does he throw like Smalls does?”

Ben gasps dramatically and clutches at his chest while you laugh and he rolls up his sleeves, his shoulder muscles especially prominent in the glow of the sun.

“A Sandlot jibe?! That hurt, but at least it’s a classic,” he sighs, kissing your cheek happily before kissing Ana’s head.

He adopts a sillier, higher pitched tone, clasping Ana’s tiny fists in his huge hands as she giggles. “Don’t worry, baby, Daddy isn’t a smalls, he’s a Benjamin goddamn Rodriguez.”

You can’t help yourself. “Benny wasn’t the pitcher,” you whisper pointedly, unable to help the giggles that come as Ben gives you an exasperated look before smirking and smacking your ass, rubbing his hands together and rolling the ball in his palm.

He knocks down the pins with the three balls he’s given, and your heart soars as you shake your head at your grown-ass Marine boyfriend whooping and jumping as he collects the smiling brown bear.

He hides his face behind the bear’s, pointing him at Ana and making him dance as he speaks, “Look Ana, Daddy is the best! And Mommy owes him an apology later!”

He pulls his face out from behind the bear with a suggestive grin, pulling you into a one armed hug and kissing the top of your head.

“Don’t worry, I’ have my own special prize in mind for you later, handsome,” you say coyly, running your free hand on his chest.

He chuckles and smooths your hair back before tilting your chin up to press your lips against his.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you more.”

A passerby accidentally nudges you with a stroller and you jolt back to reality. Ana still has that bear, but the similar grin and size, the fact that it’s at the same booth … you’re overwhelmed with emotion and you blink rapidly to keep it from pouring out where everyone can see it.

You take a deep breath in and exhale, crossing your arms across your chest and step up your pace to meet up with the team. You’ve made it about 20 seconds down when you hear a voice.

”Miss, miss in the black jacket!”

You turn around, startled, and are greeted with a slightly panting carny. You’re even more confused that he’s holding the stuffed bear you were eyeing.

Before you can open your mouth, the carny speaks. “That man back there saw you looking at this, came over and played and won it. Told me to give it to ya.”

He points in the direction of the booth and you look incredulously, squinting your eyes at the throng of passerby.

“Which man did you say it was?”

The carny turns around and cranes his neck to see, turning back to you with an equally puzzled look.

“Huh, he vanished! Nice guy though.” He smiles warmly at you and places the bear in your hand. “Really was set on trying to cheer you up with this.”

You stammer out a confused thanks, staring down at the bear with a bemused, but grateful expression. You’re so absorbed that you don’t notice Bucky slip quietly past you out of the shadows between booths and into the crowd, smiling for the first time in what feels like forever.

-

You catch up with the group eventually, recounting the story in amazement when you explain what had happened. The others seem just as stumped as you are, but you all chalk it up to a random act of kindness and head home, exhausted from the festivities of the day.

The team starts to head to their separate rooms once they’re in the tower and you make your way to the living room, met with the sight of Wanda and Vision nestled under a blanket and watching some romantic comedy.

”Ana was great, she’s been asleep for hours,” Wanda says quietly, smiling up at you.

You smile back appreciatively. “Awesome, thank you guys again. I’ll go check on her soon.”

Wanda lets out a yawn that Vision picks up on immediately, scooping her into his arms. “Looks like you’re the one who needs some sleep, my dear,” he murmurs soothingly and Wanda doesn’t protest, only snuggling into him further.

You say goodnight to both of them, waiting until they’re in the elevator and plopping down on the couch, kicking off your boots and curling up. You stare at the bear with a smile, running a hand over the soft fabric.

”Do you like it?”

The voice comes out at you from the darkness and you jump, laughing with relief as you see Bucky come into focus.

”Dammit Buck, you scared me. But yeah, it’s so weird, I can’t even believe that someone was paying attention and noticed me looking at it … must’ve figured I had a kid or just really liked Winnie the Pooh I guess.”

Bucky moves slowly to the couch, his eyes looking hesitantly at the cushion next to you. You pat it invitingly and he sits down, staring forward and running a hand through his brown hair. You’re intrigued – Bucky rarely tries to initiate conversation with anyone, let alone sit down to talk to them.

He looks a little nervous but his voice doesn’t show it as he murmurs quietly, ”Or maybe they knew you had a 4-year-old girl named Ana who loves bears and has another stuffed animal that looks pretty similar.”

You chuckle and hug the bear to your chest. ”Yeah, makes sense that a random stranger would kn-”

You stop dead, the sudden realization you think you’ve made causing your your heartbeat to spike up in shock. There was no way that this ex-assassin, the one who barely talks to anyone, went out of his way to win your daughter a bear. That he even knew that she liked bears. That he went out of his way to do something that nice for you, to “cheer you up” like the carny said. That he was paying that much attention to you to notice you staring at it.

But here you both were, you sitting dumbfounded on the couch while Bucky sat patiently, letting your brain catch up as he fought a losing battle with the grin breaking across his normally grim face.

”Bucky,” you whisper in amazement “No way, it was you?!”

His smile says it all and you can’t help but smile back, even though you feel a bit confused.

”But why -”

Bucky’s words come out slowly, but with a tenderness that stuns you – and also gives you a soaring feeling in your chest that you thought you forgot.

”You do a lot for her and for us. You’re always doing nice things for everyone, always smiling even when you’re exhausted and it doesn’t reach your eyes … You deserve to have someone do something nice for you.”

Bucky’s gaze still remains forward, but you don’t have to look into his eyes to know that he’s being sincere.

The feeling in your chest presses you and you find yourself placing your lips softly on his cheek. You pull back and he finally turns to meet your gaze, his blue eyes locking on yours with a longing that has your heart threatening to leap out of your chest and sends a blush flooding throughout your face.

“Thank you,” you whisper, blinking quickly as he brings his regular hand to meet yours, slowly intertwining his fingers with yours and squeezing it gently.

”You’re welcome, Y/N. I hope Ana likes it.”

You nod happily, your voice cracking a bit as you try to keep your emotions in check once more. “She’ll love it.”

You move to stand up but Bucky keeps his fingers interlocked with yours. Your breath catches in your chest as you turn back to look at him gazing at you deeply. And before he even speaks, you know what decision you’ve made. A decision to let yourself try to love again. To be happy, because you deserve it.

“Do you want to stay?”

You nod slowly, sitting down next to him, your whole body tingling as your legs touch. You both move together, almost reading each others thoughts, rearranging your bodies so that Bucky is flat on his back and you’re curled up at his side, your head on his chest while his metal hand strokes your hair.

“Bucky?” you ask thickly, smiling even though you know you’re keeping tears at bay.

“Yeah?” he responds gently, his hand still working through your soft tresses.

“Winning that bear made me happy, but this is making me happier.”

Your quiet chuckles together break through the silent darkness, the final sound you’ll hear before Bucky speaks and you fall asleep together, comforted by the chances that you’ve both taken tonight and the unspoken, beautiful promise of love and healing brought about by them.

“I feel the same, Y/N.”


End file.
